Ctrl Alt Del Reset
by Muselet
Summary: Programming isn't perfect. X's memory is blanked, and the Hunters have to deal with the results - Zero especially.
1. Chapter 1

This fanfic is almost ten years old, but I reread it recently and decided, eh, what the hell. I'll repost it.

Reviews are nice, concrit is better.

Chapter One: File Deleted

It was better that way...or at least, that's what I said. I wasn't certain that I believed it, and I probably didn't. Confusion became a major part of my life after it happened; after all, it was either that or deal with the rejection. And what a resounding rejection it was...one had to admire the thoroughness of it, even if one took the force of the blow.

Yeah, I was a complete and utter wimp about it. I couldn't be anything else; emotional trauma will do that to you. Wreck you utterly, leave you a shattered mess inside...you name it, I felt it. And damn my pride, but I was determined to keep anyone from knowing. I couldn't hide some changes, particularly the relationship change, but how I acted could and would be altered. Nobody had to know. X wouldn't be spouting anything out to anyone, and I sure as hell wasn't going to say anything on the subject ever again. I just wanted to forget, cover things up, and get on with my life.

It worked pretty damn well, too; at least, for a while. You can never get a moment's peace around here. Once I liked being busy all the time, now I just didn't care anymore, giving little or no attention to things I once loved. My newly-gained apathy did not go unnoticed. People did note the change, and there were rumors, so many rumors...but neither of us was going to tell anyone anything, and for that little bit of privacy I was pitifully grateful. Not that I was happy about the situation, but if it had gone public...Well. I'm not sure what I would have done. Probably something unpleasant.

I don't think he even mentioned it to Alia, and they were lovers. Oh, yeah, that was pretty bad; he didn't tell the one person he trusted more than me. He must have been damn ashamed of me and the friendship...not that that mattered anymore. There simply wasn't one left, almost as if it had ceased to exist. That hurt the most; he just didn't want to be around me at all. Disgust? Shame? I really didn't know. Maybe it was a mixture of both. It was both expected and utterly unlike him to act that way, and it only added to my confusion with...everything.

I made a mental note never to fucking stick my neck out like that again. When you let your heart get all sentimental and then give it to someone, it's going to be shattered like the precious thing it is. I found that out the hard way. I can just imagine what some god up there said that day: 'That'll teach Zero to be sensitive, huh? *That* bastard's never going to be stupid enough to fall for someone ever again.'

Life pretty much sucked. My only real consolation at that time was that it flat-out could not have gotten worse. And of course, we all know what happens when you think it can't get any worse...It does.

The day started simply enough; nothing different, nothing changed from the day before. A few weeks of pain had dulled me to it enough that I didn't need to remind myself to do every little morning habit I'd had...before. I flashed the smile, flirted with passerby, and went through the mechanical motions of my daily routine. If I saw X in the hallway, I pretended he wasn't there. It somehow made things easier to deal with, except in those situations where we had to work together. Those I merely suffered through.

But that day I didn't have anything to work with him on, so I was happy, or at least as happy as I could manage to be. It was uneventful, to say the least. Very peaceful, but not that clich d eerie peace that you always hear about; it was quiet, but not *too* quiet...and it was boring as hell. I usually hate boring things, but like I've said, there were extenuating circumstances. It was a respite that I was grateful for.

Anyway. I'm going off on too many tangents. That day, I was sitting in my office, doing nothing and pretending that the paperwork piling up on my desk didn't exist. I was doing it pretty well too, until the knock on the door. I quit playing with my pen, setting it down on the desk and moving to get the door. Whoever was knocking didn't wait for me to answer; an instant later Lifesaver burst into the room with an unsettled look on his face.

"Zero. There's something that requires your urgent attention."

I blinked. "Uh, okay, just let me-"

"No, Zero. It's *very* urgent. We could really use you down here *now*."

I shrugged, moving to follow Lifesaver and wondering what all the fuss was about. There hadn't been any Maverick attacks for an eerily long time, so I doubted that anyone was wounded. And if they were, what the hell would it have to do with me? It's not like there was anybody I was terribly attached to, besides maybe X...

Oh. Shit. X. They would have noticed our drifting apart, but since they didn't know what caused it...Lifesaver would have obviously told me if something happened to him, despite the rift between us. If it was this urgent...fuck. I was torn between running straight towards him and running the hell away. X would not be glad to see me; of that I was certain, but still. If he was hurt...I stared at the back of Lifesaver's head and tried not to think about what was happening. The walk was fast, but it seemed to take a hell of a long time to get where we were going.

Lifesaver opened the door, looking fairly nervous. "Now, please don't be too distressed Zero. It might upset him, and he's already bad enough."

"So what the hell happened?" I stared into the undecorated white room. X was just...sitting there, staring at the ceiling with an unsettled look on his face. "He looks fine to me." Hearing my voice, X turned his head towards the door and blinked curiously at me. Then he smiled nervously, shifting where he sat and generally looking uncomfortable. It was...weird. No, it was extremely weird. Lately X had been giving me the cold shoulder, now...he just looked embarrassed, and slightly unsure of himself.

"Hello." X said quietly. I waited for him to continue, to tell me to 'please go away' or something, but nothing. Did I mention it was weird? Because it was. Very.

"Hey." I muttered back, striding into the room and grabbing a chair. "So," I shot a glance over at Lifesaver, who was standing in the doorway and glaring at me. "What is this urgent need-you-right-here-now thing that you dragged me to look at? Is there anything, or is this just to amuse you?"

"If I hadn't called you, you would have asked me why I didn't tell you the exact moment it happened. That's why I told you to come." He frowned. "And X?"

Across from me, X turned wide eyes to the doorway. "Yes?"

"Until we figure out how to reverse it, Zero here will show you around and such. Alright?"

"...okay."

I scowled, wondering what exactly was going on here. "Why the fuck would I need to show him around? X knows Headquarters just as well as I do." I stood up. "What am I not being told here?"

"I suppose there's no use to trying to avoid the subject anymore, though I thought you would have figured it out by now. X here," Lifesaver jabbed a finger at X. "Has lost his memory."

Chapter Two: Processing Data...

He was still staring at me. It was kind of weird, not to mention that a slack-jawed and blank-eyed expression really didn't suit him. I wasn't really sure what to do; this man obviously knew me, and probably had for a long time, by how he acted. He probably knew tons of things about me, and I knew absolutely nothing about him. It was utterly uneven footing...and I absolutely hated it.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence hanging in the room around us, one I feared to break lest something horrible happen. Slowly, the man - Zero? - turned to Lifesaver, who was still standing in the doorway, and spoke.

"How did it happen?"

"Failure to upgrade," Lifesaver stated grimly. "X is old. *Very* old, and with so much memory to store from all of that time...well, he essentially reset himself. Started with nothing but his base data. The memory problem was fixed when reploids started being produced, letting us live longer without getting forgetful...but I guess nobody realized that X hadn't had the same things done to him." He shrugged. "We can do it now, but nobody's quite sure if everything has been deleted or just stored somewhere. It's going to take quite a while to work things out."

Zero shook his head sadly, impossibly long blonde hair waving around. "So he might get it all back?"

"Possibly, but we're simply not sure about anything. There haven't been many cases even remotely like this."

"I see..."

I sat where I was, watching the discussion with interest. These people *knew* me...knew things I'd done, and said, that even I didn't know, and I had to admit it unnerved me. X was a more familiar person to these people than he was to himself...or was that person they talked about someone different? I knew my name was X, I knew what and who I was, but I didn't have any of the experiences this...other person had. The way they were treating me was...strange, almost like I was dead and now had been reborn. The programming was still there, but I had to wonder if that really made me the same person.

Zero, apparently, was harboring similar thoughts. Lifesaver left the room, and I was left with the blonde man staring at me with a highly uncomfortable expression on his face. I stared right back, partly from defiance, and partly because...well...He intrigued me. Who was he? How had he known me...before?

"So I guess we better be going...somewhere, then." Zero's words broke through my contemplation and startled me into rising. I nodded hesitantly, trying to smile at his blank expression and failing miserably.

I followed him quietly through the hallways, shadowing his moves and trying not to be noticed. I wasn't entirely sure why, but I couldn't shake the idea that people knowing about my situation wasn't a good thing. Trying to figure out why...well, I didn't exactly have much chance to do that. Zero moved briskly through 'Headquarters' though headquarters of what I had no idea. Any questions I asked would simply have to wait, I guessed, until this somber man lightened up a bit or I found someone more willing to talk. Our little tour through the building was almost entirely silent. It was almost like Zero was afraid of talking to me.

By the end of the trip, I found myself staring up at Zero as he keyed in a code to open some door. He had barely said ten words to me, and rarely chose to look at me, and overall I was left feeling incredibly confused. When people had passed us in the hall, he had smiled brightly and greeted them cheerfully, but the instant they left he was silent and brooding.

What kind of person was he?

The door opened quietly, and Zero glanced at me oddly. "What are you still doing here?" He asked, not unkindly.

I shifted where I stood, turning my gaze down to the floor. "I, uh...don't know where else to go."

"Oh." The syllable was full of embarrassment and something like nervousness. "Well. I hadn't really thought about that." There was a slight exhalation of breath, not quite a sigh. "Come on in."

Zero ducked into the room, and I followed uncertainly, glancing around the room. Nothing too special; a bookcase, a bed and bedside table, along with a dresser and a couple lamps. It showed signs of a hasty cleaning, and recent signs at that, like it had been horribly messy for a time. Apparently, something had made Zero tidy up, and from the evidence he wasn't really good at tidying up. I saw a small picture on the bedside table and headed over to it as Zero flopped face-down on the bed and sighed. I picked it up and stared at it.

It was a photo of Zero, grinning broadly and posing for the camera as he pulled a young man towards him in a headlock. The person was wearing a exasperated expression, but a faint smile was on his face. He seemed familiar. It took a few seconds, since I had not actually seen what I looked like yet, but the facial recognition part of my programming told me that the person was me.

The photo was suddenly removed from my grasp, leaving me blinking at my empty hands before I looked over and saw Zero with the picture. He sighed again, this time heavily, and stared at the photo. He sat down on the bed.

I felt like I had to say something. "That's me in that picture." I mumbled, feeling very strange.

"Yeah." Zero confirmed. "Before you up and forgot everything." A sad little smile crossed his face. "We were friends, y'know."

"...Can I ask you a question?" I looked away from Zero, trying to fix my gaze somewhere around the room before failing and looking right back at him.

"Shoot."

I took a deep, shaky breath and tried to think of something to ask and how to say it. There was something bothering me, way in the back of my consciousness, about Zero and the way he acted. The picture showed a Zero who was, for all appearances, a happy, rambunctious person. The man I'd seen so far was gloomy and eerily quiet. I couldn't reconcile the two; did he lead some weird double life? It took a few seconds of staring - at the suddenly clean room, at his sad little smirk, at the picture he held - to really get why he had that duality. He had actually been that hyper-seeming person. Zero hadn't always been this way.

"What happened?" I had to ask. There were so many questions I had about...everything, but somehow I just blurted that one out.

He glanced up at me and raised an eyebrow. "You lost your memory. That's what happened."

"No, no..." I tried to rephrase my question and still be tactful. "What happened that, well...made you like this?" I looked away from his surprised expression. "You weren't always this gloomy, were you." It was not a question. "So what happened?"

There was a long, uncomfortable silence in the room. Zero was still staring at the picture, no expression on his face, only now he was gripping it hard enough to crack the frame and the glass. I snatched the picture away before he could damage it too much, setting it back on the bedside table and wincing at the harm done already. The picture would need a new frame entirely now. Zero stared at the floor, and I suddenly felt like I had asked something I really shouldn't have.

"Zero?" I ventured, feeling a little afraid. If I had offended him or something, I was fairly sure I'd be completely lost until I was repaired. I didn't want that, and I didn't want Zero mad at me either. "I'm sorry, I...I shouldn't have asked that..."

"No. No, it's...okay." He looked somewhat shaken. "But all the same, X...It's none of your business what...happened. It's nothing."

I couldn't help it; I gaped and stared at him incredulously. "Nothing? I may not know much about you, Zero, but it seems to me that whatever this something was, it sure wasn't *nothing* to make you be so...miserable!"

He looked up at me and glared. "And how the hell do you know that I haven't always *been* miserable, huh?"

That statement was somehow incredibly depressing. "Oh." I turned my gaze to the floor and left it there. "I guess you're right...But that really doesn't seem like a good way to live." I frowned. "You shouldn't be miserable. It's horrible to be that way all the time."

"Yeah." Zero's voice was softer now. "It is."

There was silence again, but it was a lot more comfortable this time. I suddenly felt utterly drained, like the conversation between us had taken away whatever tension that I had been running on. I sat on the bed next to Zero and let myself fall backwards, staring up at the ceiling. I got the impression that he didn't mind my little intrusion. "Zero?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm confused. About everything."

"So am I, X. So am I."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Three: Downloading.

By the end of the first day, I pretty much knew that I was screwed. It was obvious to me that I had absolutely no chance of getting through this, this.I had no idea what to call it. 'Experience' didn't quite fit, 'situation' didn't describe the urgency of it, and 'state of affairs' was just too clinical. But no matter what you called it, I was still screwed.

I had a definite feeling that my losing my memory was a Bad Thing. In capital letters. Maybe it was how people had greeted me. Maybe it was how badly Zero was upset by my trailing in his footsteps. Most likely it was both those and the sudden chunk of me I felt was missing. It was like somebody had removed one of my limbs; I couldn't function normally without it. Because I didn't know the building, or the people, I kept getting lost and confused, or just confused.

The second day left me extremely perplexed and following at Zero's heels like a puppy. He didn't really seem to notice me, and the people looked at me less oddly when I let him do all the talking. I guessed that it was fairly normal behavior for me. I didn't think I liked that about me. Both Lifesavor and Zero had warned me many, many times that I shouldn't let the fact that I was an amnesiac to get out. If it weren't for that, everything would have been so much easier to deal with. I resented their caution. I just couldn't understand why.

The first night was spent wandering around Headquarters. I needed to learn more of the place, and Zero was fairly upset; I didn't want to bother him. But that second day, I was nervous as heck from trying to fake my way through a dozen conversations. I was *not* going to spend another night

...I didn't know where my room was. The only other option? Zero's room. This was also a Bad Thing. Zero hadn't been very nice to me; ignoring me and such, but what other choice did I have? He was my only connection to anything. I hated it, but it was either spend the night in his room or get him to tell me where mine was. And how to get into it.

...This sucked.

I stared at the clean, dull floor as I walked through Headquarters. Zero creeped me out at the same time that he interested me. I just hoped he wouldn't be too offended at my intrusion...

"X? X! There you are!"

My head shot up, and I blinked wildly for a moment just before a large, happy bundle of reploid collided with me and nearly slammed me up against the wall. Pressed against me and hugging me quite firmly was a noticeably female person, her blonde hair rubbing against my cheek. She pulled away slightly, grinning at me and looking me up and down. My face suddenly felt very hot.

"Where have you been these past few days? I haven't seen you at all..." The grin faded, replaced by an uncomfortably saddened expression. "Has work been that bad?"

"Uh..." Shit. I didn't know who she was and I didn't know what to do. Why was she acting like this? I nearly panicked and managed to nod stiffly. "It's, uh...been really, really bad. Erm, Zero and I have been tied up with..." I thought about what I'd seen Zero doing lately. "Paperwork. Stacks of it."

"Oh, damn." She sighed. "So you two are getting along again, then. That's great! You've been so...depressing whenever I saw you; do you have any *idea* how much you changed in one day? It was almost enough to make me cry. Ah, well. Maybe you'll be less busy now that that isn't weighing on your mind?" Her tone turned hopeful on that last note.

I blinked, and then nodded. "I was...going to meet with Zero..." I lied smoothly, "We...still haven't gotten some things cleared up between us."

"This late...? Well, I guess it's good that you're reconciling. Come on, I'll walk with you."

The woman chatted all the way to Zero's room. She was funny and engaging, and I found that I really did like her. She seemed very nice, if a bit...touchy-feely. I somehow managed to make it there without being too out-of-character to her - I think - and as the door shut behind me Zero came out - apparently just having finished his shower, by the towel around his waist - and looked at me weirdly. I stared at him. He stared back, and I turned my head away from his gaze.

"So...you met Alia?" He asked, after a very long pause. "Did you tell her you're an amnesiac?"

"Uh...no." I rubbed the back of my head, staring at the floor and trying not to let my face turn redder than it probably was. "I thought I wasn't supposed to tell anyone and let you guys deal with that."

"But you and her are - or, uh, *were* - lovers. I think she'd want to know."

I looked up and gaped at him. "Me? And...her? What?" My legs somehow carried me away from the door and sat me on Zero's bed. "Well...how the *hell* was I supposed to know that?" Groaning, I flopped back on the bed and closed my eyes. "I hope I didn't do anything too bad."

"I don't think she believes you can do wrong anyway." I glanced at Zero to see him shrug and walk over to his dresser. He was surprisingly calm and composed considering I'd just barged into his room while he was mostly naked. I laid back and sighed. I couldn't quite remember why I'd come to his room in the first place, and he didn't appear to be too concerned with my presence anyway. Therefore, I saw no reason to leave.

The towel was promptly tossed on my face. I plucked it off and flung it in Zero's general direction, only to have it thrown right back. A moment later, Zero was sitting next to me on the bed, wearing a bright red pair of boxers.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, sounding mildly irritated. I blinked at him, but made no move to leave. "Don't you have your own room?"

"Not one that I can get into. Besides, Alia told me something rather interesting. I wanted to talk to you about it." Zero looked wary, but I continued. "We had a fight, apparently. A bad one. Is that why you're like this? What was it about?"

There was a very long, uncomfortable pause. "...Don't you know when to just let something *die*?" He grumbled, grabbing my arm and forcing me to stand up next to the bed. "I'm *not* going to tell you anything about that. As far as you're concerned, I am how I am, not any other way. It's not your problem."

I pulled my arm out of his grasp and glared up at him. "I'm *making* it my problem. And whatever it was that happened...I'm sorry." I ducked my head down and backed a couple steps away. "If we had a fight, I'm sorry."

There was no response from Zero. If he had any thoughts on what I had just said, he kept them to himself. There was a quiet rustling as he climbed into bed. There really was no place for me to go, and I was not going to climb into bed with Zero. I had the sneaking feeling that it would be a very bad idea to bother him any more. Sitting down, I leaned against the side of the bed and thought.

What was I going to do?

And not just for that night, either; I wanted to plan long-term, but I had no idea what was going on, why people here were so militaristic and how to deal with all those people who seemed to know me better than I knew myself. There were not many options. Somewhere along the line, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I didn't recognize where I was for a moment. I had been on the floor, now I was in Zero's bed. I did not see Zero anywhere around; I assumed that he was at a meeting of some sort, or doing something else important that didn't involve me. Trying to get away from my shadowing, I supposed; I really seemed to annoy him sometimes...But he *had* been nice enough to not let me sleep on the floor all night. That was something, wasn't it?

I didn't understand him.

He was formerly nice; that I found difficult to accept, but obvious. He didn't like me - or did he? - But he was not always a bitter, unpleasant person. He was fairly attractive, and had many female admirers, though apparently he flirted without ever following through. He could have been a confidant to me, or at least a friend, but he apparently didn't want to have much affection of any sort between us. That last helped my theory that I'd done something horrible to him. Or maybe he'd done something horrible to me? I didn't know. I just...didn't know. And it was maddeningly frustrating.

Coarse and offensive as he could be...I might as well be nice to him. I needed an ally, even if that ally wasn't exactly the most wonderful man on the face of the planet. He was lonely, I was lonely, and it should work out, right?

I would just have to try it and see.

Ending Author's Notes: ...Okay, I'm now very tired and very unhappy. There. I did something, at the very least, even if it's crappy.

Feedback me. Review; I worship feedback.


	3. Chapter 3

Zero's bed was surprisingly comfortable, the mattress almost absorbing me into it, but I forced myself to get up and headed to the shower. Hopefully he wouldn't be annoyed. Logically he shouldn't have, right? I didn't have anywhere else to go, it's not like I could have just left off bathing for however long it took to get me a place of my own. I let the hot water run through my hair, and over my face. It felt good, like all the worries were washing away from my skin.

But not out of my head.

So.

Problems. I scrubbed at my face with a cloth, wrinkling my nose. Problem one: I was an amnesiac. Which wasn't my problem - it was everyone's. Thinking of how other people had reacted, I was... intimate with important people? Important myself? Alia was close, maybe even - (my face heated up, I suddenly wasn't sure what to do with my hands, a sudden flash of severe discomfort)

Best to avoid her if I was to keep the amnesia secret. Which came to another point - it had to be secret? I frowned, scrubbing my hair hard and trying to think of a reason. Why would I need to keep amnesia a secret? We were obviously in a military context, where NOT knowing information was more vital to the rank and file than knowing, lest information get to the enemy. If anything, forgetting would be a benefit. If I had known something vital, nobody had shown signs of worry about losing it. Why...?

The answer came to me in a flash. Public appearances. I couldn't look forgetful because forgetfulness equaled incompetance.

Was I famous?

..Was I a figurehead?

I watched the water spiral into the drain, and sighed, resting my forehead against the wall. That... would make things difficult. I'd have to act like nothing was wrong, and I didn't know enough about what was around me to fake it convincingly. Maybe my whole life had been an act, gaining public support for this institution. What institution was I even involved in? I had no idea. I frowned, scrubbing at my face with the soap. I'd just been drifting around for the last day or so, and now I should figure out what I was involved in.

Zero was still asleep. I had wondered where he had gone, but the snort and a thump I heard through one of the shower walls showed that he'd slept on the couch in his living room, rolling over several times in the early morning light. I winced, thinking - (Zero, smiling, his hands pulling the blankets around himself in one large fluffy pile, and I said-)

The water kept spiraling into the drain and my head hurt.

...I was happy, at one time or another. I remembered the picture on the nightstand. Zero and I, (I barely recognized myself, but remembering that smile, I felt echoes of it) grinning like idiots, putzing around in the snow. He was happy, I was happy, I must have been happy if I could smile like that and Zero could too, what the hell happened?

The forgetting?

My throat choked up. I bit my lip. I'd forgotten everything, yes, but there was probably a pivotal point, a key that I'd lost, one fact that I was missing. How could everyone around me be so happy, and now so miserable?

I couldn't do anything about the memories. Those were gone, and maybe someone better with, with programming or whatever would be able to get them back, but I had to work with what I had.

What did I have? A building full of people who expected things from me? A fight I knew nothing about? Or-

Zero.

Zero, who couldn't look me in the eye.

I turned off the shower and shook my head, water flying from my unruly hair, and took a deep breath. If there was a way to help, I'd do it. If there was some problem in the world I could change, I'd work to change it. And if I'd hurt him in the past - (sorrow, something in my chest wrenching, I don't know why I felt so awful) - I rubbed my eyes, shivering in the sudden cold. I'd make it up to him. He was a good man, he deserved better than whatever I'd done. He was a good man. I could work hard.

I had a feeling that no matter what, we could fix any problem if we could learn to work together.

* * *

First new bit I've written for this in a long time; previous chapters were old writing. Concrit would be appreciated.


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